By GottaLaff

David Niewert over at Crooks and Liars has something special for us today. Everyone close your eyes and open your hands:

But no one told attendees that Palin would be speaking at 8 a.m., so bitterly disappointed fans standing in line at 10:30 a.m. weren’t happy.

That’s okay. PayMe McWordSalad got what she needed: Money.

Let’s take a looksee at some of the reviews. We all know what a charismatic speaker she is… as long as she has both hands visible for reading crib notes, that is.

Alrighty then, Reviewer Number One on LikeMe McBigBucks’ fancy Motivational Speakin’:

“I wasn’t motivated” one man said to me in the elevator as I left the speech, “she sounded un-prepared and erratic and focused an awful lot on her script.”

What?! She used a script?! I thought she frowned on people who rely on prepared text. I’m shocked! Shocked, I tells ya!

Let’s hear another review from a devoted fan:

“She already gave her speech?!” One man exclaimed in the lobby after arriving minutes too late [...]

Everybody’s a critic.

Well at least she showed her impressive storytelling ability, right?

The speech itself seemed more like a sermon, Sarah frequently attributed “God” and “Jesus Christ” to lifting her out of despair. She gave several long rambling examples of tough times in Alaska, during which she would occasionally lose her footing and immediately jump to praising the state for it’s beauty.

Or not.

As I gazed around the audience from my VIP seat – just feet away from the stage - I had the impression that most of those sitting near me were insulted.

Way to motivate, Speaky.

Okay, just to be fair, let’s hear from one final attendee. Your review, sir?

As she left one man with a thick country drawl leaned over to me and said “you know, she’s not that impressive in person.”

Three thumbs down. PalinFail.

H/t: Pigboy